Disappearing

Over the past few weeks, I would sit at my computer and try to type something out on here.  Each time, I would exit before I would even put one word to the post and leave.  I have continued my journey slowly and steadily.  I am now happy to say I am 273 and I did it with minimal self loathing.  I'm still very strict in how I eat, but I haven't been following Ana to the T.

Overall, I feel pretty good. I'm getting compliments on my weight loss and it feels great.  I also have some extra motivation of a certain lady friend.  I wanna be hot for her when we decide to rev things up.

Am I where I want to be?  No.  But I will get there.  As far as this blog?  I might continue it.  I might come back for motivation. 

What I can't help to notice though---I followed 4 pro Ana bloggers and they are disappeared.  One girl was talking about how she finally felt better.  The other said how she was at the end of her chain.  I can't help but feel sad for them, I hope they are okay.

Summer Thinspo

The past few weeks I have been slacking something major.  I am back over 300 and I feel like such a failure.  Starting tomorrow I am going to start following Ana to the letter.  My new goal is to be 260 by my birthday in mid September.

Going to rely on a lot of thinspo.

Slacking!

Oh so much slacking going on this week.  Since I was told not to diet or exercise for a week, I gained 10 pounds.  I am so pissed.  But I am going to resume tomorrow and hopefully shed some water weight.  I don't think I'll be able to lose 20 pounds in one week though :/


Anyone have any tips???

A little Monday morning thinspo

I had to go to the DR this morning because I was feeling like absolute crap.  My iron is WAY low and my blood pressure was far lower than it usually is.  For being fat, my blood pressure has always been on the low side of normal but today it was 73/41.  Let's just say he wasn't pleased.

So I have to "abandon" all dietary efforts and go back on Friday to see if there is improvement.  I can work out, but I have to watch my fluid intake and I can't get too overheated.  I also have to incorporate more red meat for the meantime to see if my iron levels go back to normal.

Basically, he wants me to undo all that I have accomplished.  But it doesn't mean I'm going to!  I'm going to add a little more food into my diet but I'm going to workout as normal.  That means I just need some thinspo to enjoy while I'm "limiting" myself.

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At a loss

I have thrown out Ana the past few days.  Eating whatever I want and just not practicing what I preach.  It has to end though.  I feel so disgustingly fat and disappointed that I have cheated her.   Only time will tell how quickly I get get this weight back off.

Does anyone have any quick tips on how to drop pounds fast?  Because at this moment....I'll be lucky to even to get back to where I was before.

Progress?

It doesn't look like much--but I am extremely happy with this.

Binging

It's normal for one to crave certain things while following Ana.  However, it's important to abstain from binging.  All binging is doing is causing you to cheat, and when you cheat, you'll never win.  So, stay strong and avoid that urge to completely undo what you are working so hard for.

Instead of binging--drink water, exercise, get active, get those hands moving, chew gum----anything to get your mind off of eating.  If you MUST eat, eat veggies.  Fill up on some nice salad greens or chew on some celery.  Whatever you do---do not give in!  Sooner than you expect the cravings for things will completely disappear.  And remember, when you crave a certain thing you aren't really hungry---you're bored.  Learn the difference immediately.


Stay Skinny Loves,
P

Staying the course.

One thing that I have learned is that Ana is a fickle bitch.  One day, you will be in love with her and all the results.  The next, you will wish you never met her.  It's a constant love/hate relationship.  But once you commit yourself to her, there is no turning back.  I have been really good at keeping my caloric intake low.  (Not as low as I should have it---but low enough so people think I'm dieting)  And I have recently started getting really into exercise.  In fact, after I'm done with this post, I am going to be exercising again.

But every now and again---I need to be reminded about Ana.  And I have a feeling---you do too.

Monday Morning Thinspriration

I need a little thinspo this morning.  Enjoy!

Negative calories

Over the past few weeks as I research the food that I am allowed to consume....I have found something sort of shocking.  Most dieting websites claim that there are some foods that have "negative" calories since the amount of calories it takes to digest them is greater than what is in them. 

I think it's total crap.

When following a daily caloric limit diet you MUST count all incoming calories.  There's no such thing as "negative" calories.  That's why when I put my food into MFP I always make sure to mark everything.  Even seasonings.  This will help you keep a more accurate count of your caloric intake. 

It's a new week and I'm hoping to get a lot of exercise done.  I only have 19 days to lose the rest of the weight I want to for my short term goal.  Although I am still losing about a pound a day, I would really like to get much lower than 280 so I have some buffer room.


Kiddo is waking up so I have to post later.


Stay Skinny Loves
P

Another one bites the dust

Stepped on the scale today...another pound down.  I'm thinking about buying some laxatives today so I can help get rid of this extra crap (for the lack of a better word lol) out of me.  What I am noticing though, is whenever I eat too much--I get a strong urge to throw up.  Most of the time, I can suppress the feeling but other times it lingers for far too long.  Again, I do not wish to give Mia a chance.  I'm an Ana girl. She's the one I want to work with.  But it's so hard.  I'm thinking that this is just my stomach shrinking.  What a great feeling!

Something I forgot to post earlier...

My husband didn't have to work last night, so he was up most of the day today.  After we had breakfast, we came back home and I weighed myself.  This is the exact conversation we had.

H:  298?  That can't be right!
Me: Yup.  I'm pretty happy with that number.
H:  No, it's obviously not weighing right.  There's no way that you weigh that little.
Me:  So you think I weigh more?
H: Yes, I do.  There's no way. 
Me:  Way to burst my bubble.
H:  I like you with meat on your bones.  Gives me something to hang onto. *grabs my ass*




Yea...way to make me want to lose more weight, asshole.  You've now become inspiration number two on my list.  That's something I've never shared---my inspiration list.  Well, here it is

Inspiration

~For myself.  I am tired of being the "fat one"
~My husband.  Since clearly he thinks I'm a lard ass
~My son.  He needs his mother.
~For the collarbone. 

~To feel my ribs
~To be a "hot mom"
~To wear cute little clothes
~To finally get a belly piercing
~To gain confidence to hit on girls.  (side note, I'm bisexual and looking for a girl to have fun with)
~To have people notice me for how good I look.
~To have people ask me if I'm losing weight
~To see my toes
~To be able to sit at a meal and eat a few bites, then say I'm full.
~To be able to wear a bathing suit again.
~To move around without grunting
~To be able to say I did this all by myself.  (With a little help from Ana)
~To not feeling disgusting.

That conversation just gave me more motivation. 

Stay Skinny Loves,
P

Surprise, surprise

I'm always amazed whenever I binge eat, that I always seem to weigh less the next day.  I'm still nowhere near I want to be, and my STG date is coming up pretty fast!  I need to get my butt into gear.  Husband is quite enamored with the fact that working out gets me feeling rather horny.  But I can't help it!  Working up a sweat makes me want to get sweaty ;)


I'm still dieting and it's easier to say no to the things I want.  I'm up to a gallon and a half of water a day.  And I completely stopped drinking soda.  I limit myself to one iced coffee per day and 2 cups of green tea.  The rest?  All water, baby.  In a few minutes I'm going to work out again, and then another one before bed.  Then maybe a bit more exercise in the sheets.


Current weight: 298.6

Thinspo (Celeb edition)

I don't normally like to look at celebrity thinspo.  Too much photoshop, too much money on trainers, unrealistic expectations.  But tonight, I am changing it up.