DAMNIT

I told myself last night that I was going to fast all day today. 

Well: I can say that I failed in my mission.  Only a few hours after being awake, I caved.  And that's on top of stepping on the scale and realizing that I gained a pound.


WHY can't I do this?  I need to have my mouth wired shut so I can really lose some weight.  This whole thing is absolutely bogus.  I'm going to wait until the husband goes to sleep so I can turn on some music and dance some of the raisins that I consumed off.  Here's to hoping I burned off more than I consumed today.

Pictures

These are off of google....serve them as inspiration of where I want to be.

I will lose weight.  I CAN do this.  I am no longer going to be living in this prison.

The first cut is the deepest

I have spent the better part of the past few days looking at "thinspo/ pro ana/ pro mia" blogs.  And I gotta admit:  none of them fit my needs.  Most of them are teenage girls who are looking up to these stick thin models who have less than 7% body fat.  They post pictures of these women who are so skinny you can count every bone in their body.


I have never had the need to look at my thighs and say "my leg bone is way too fat".   And I severely hope I never get to that point either.



But here's the start of my journey.  It's going to be rocky and I know that I will probably protest most of the way.  However, I need to start somewhere.  And I'm taking the first steps in the direction I want to go:  to be thin. 

My starting weight is 306. (ugh, what a disgusting number.  Only 4 pounds less of what I weighed when I gave birth nearly 3 years ago)
Highest weight: 326 ( I will never, EVER be that big again.  Ever)
Short Term Goal weight: 280 by July 20th 2013
Long Term Goal weight: 190


You may ask how I'm going to achieve my goals:  easy.  I'm not going to eat.  Anorexia?  Not necessiarily.  I am planning on staying below 700cals per day.  But I am going tomorrow with an all day fast.  I'll tell my husband that I'm not feeling well.  That'll get him off my back so I can concentrate on trying to drop those last 6 LBS before we go on our little camping adventure. 

I need to do this.  I cannot stand to look in the mirror.  The rolls, dimples, stretch marks---they are disgusting.  They do not belong on my body.  I want to be able to see my feet again!