Another one bites the dust

Stepped on the scale today...another pound down.  I'm thinking about buying some laxatives today so I can help get rid of this extra crap (for the lack of a better word lol) out of me.  What I am noticing though, is whenever I eat too much--I get a strong urge to throw up.  Most of the time, I can suppress the feeling but other times it lingers for far too long.  Again, I do not wish to give Mia a chance.  I'm an Ana girl. She's the one I want to work with.  But it's so hard.  I'm thinking that this is just my stomach shrinking.  What a great feeling!

Something I forgot to post earlier...

My husband didn't have to work last night, so he was up most of the day today.  After we had breakfast, we came back home and I weighed myself.  This is the exact conversation we had.

H:  298?  That can't be right!
Me: Yup.  I'm pretty happy with that number.
H:  No, it's obviously not weighing right.  There's no way that you weigh that little.
Me:  So you think I weigh more?
H: Yes, I do.  There's no way. 
Me:  Way to burst my bubble.
H:  I like you with meat on your bones.  Gives me something to hang onto. *grabs my ass*




Yea...way to make me want to lose more weight, asshole.  You've now become inspiration number two on my list.  That's something I've never shared---my inspiration list.  Well, here it is

Inspiration

~For myself.  I am tired of being the "fat one"
~My husband.  Since clearly he thinks I'm a lard ass
~My son.  He needs his mother.
~For the collarbone. 

~To feel my ribs
~To be a "hot mom"
~To wear cute little clothes
~To finally get a belly piercing
~To gain confidence to hit on girls.  (side note, I'm bisexual and looking for a girl to have fun with)
~To have people notice me for how good I look.
~To have people ask me if I'm losing weight
~To see my toes
~To be able to sit at a meal and eat a few bites, then say I'm full.
~To be able to wear a bathing suit again.
~To move around without grunting
~To be able to say I did this all by myself.  (With a little help from Ana)
~To not feeling disgusting.

That conversation just gave me more motivation. 

Stay Skinny Loves,
P

Surprise, surprise

I'm always amazed whenever I binge eat, that I always seem to weigh less the next day.  I'm still nowhere near I want to be, and my STG date is coming up pretty fast!  I need to get my butt into gear.  Husband is quite enamored with the fact that working out gets me feeling rather horny.  But I can't help it!  Working up a sweat makes me want to get sweaty ;)


I'm still dieting and it's easier to say no to the things I want.  I'm up to a gallon and a half of water a day.  And I completely stopped drinking soda.  I limit myself to one iced coffee per day and 2 cups of green tea.  The rest?  All water, baby.  In a few minutes I'm going to work out again, and then another one before bed.  Then maybe a bit more exercise in the sheets.


Current weight: 298.6

Thinspo (Celeb edition)

I don't normally like to look at celebrity thinspo.  Too much photoshop, too much money on trainers, unrealistic expectations.  But tonight, I am changing it up.

Struggling.

I will admit, during the weekends I pig out more because there is more eyes watching me.  And it's so much harder to start back up when the week comes around.  I know I need to stop pigging out and start working off this fat!  I gained a pound.  Ugh.  When I sit, I see my huge belly and I can't help but to feel defeated, disgusted and gross.  Hell, even this morning I ate so many pancakes.  I can't keep doing this.

I'm about to start my exercise for the day since it's "too hot" for me to go outside walking.  I have asthma and its really bad when it's super  hot and cold.  So here I am confined to the house.  But that doesn't mean I'm going to sit on my keester.  30 minutes of dancing plus more cardio for toning.  Let's hope the iced coffee I had this morning will help give me more of a jolt to get through the day. 


Yes, I had an iced coffee: 95 calories
3/4 cup cold brewed coffee concentrate
1/3 cup 2% milk (That's all I had, I would have used skim)
2 tsp sugar (again, all I had.  My stevia mysteriously disappeared)
2 tsp vanilla extract












It was delicious but the caloric intake is driving me nuts!  Gonna have to do extra lunges and squats to burn it off.


Stay Skinny, Loves
P

I wish this was easier

The past few days I find myself slipping again.  The number on the scale haunts me.  The constant eating follows me.  I can't escape it.  It doesn't matter how hard I try, I always cave.  I need more discipline!  My weight will no longer define who I am.

A little intro

I have hit 100 page views.  And while probably 20% of that is me....it's still nice to see that I am sending Ana's word out into the world.  So let me take some time and introduce myself a little bit.

You can call me P.  I live in PA with a husband and an adorable son.  I'm in my mid 20's and I have always struggled with my weight.  Before I met my husband I was 180.  Yes, still fat, but I looked amazing.  Here I am, over a 100 pounds heavier and I am so unhappy.  About a month ago, I decided to start getting proactive with my weight.  I started reading about Ana and how if you follow her laws, you will lose weight.  It was fantastic!  The first 18 pounds just kinda melted off.  But now more people are becoming aware of the fact that I am losing weight and I am feeling pressure to keep eating.  And because of this, I am finally seeing why people dance with Mia.  While I am all for "starving" myself---I refuse to start down the slippery slope of Mia and I will stay loyal to Ana.

I realize not everyone will accept my decision to continue my journey with Ana but it's mine to make.  My DR will not give me a referral for lapband, and my husband is against me going to a gym.  So, in order to be where I want to be I will continue to follow Ana. 

I will admit--it's hard.  But at the end of the day if I can say I am proud of how little I ate, I am proud of myself.  All I can continue to do is to keep moving forward and to never look back.  I am making this life about me, no one else. 


Enough about me---I want to hear about you!  Tell me a little about yourself, and if you have a site so I can follow you.  This is a judgement free zone, and anyone who is being abusive will be removed. 

Stay Skinny Loves,
P.

Hitting a dead end

Food is everywhere!  And people are picking up on the fact that I'm not eating.  I refuse to give in to my temptations, but there are people in my life that point out that I'm not eating.  I hate being confronted in front of people, and I hate being told that I must eat.  I don't have to do anything I don't want to. 

Not to mention, at the same function, someone told me that I look pregnant.  Damn, way to take the air out of my sails.  I thought I was looking better!  I was seeing a difference!  Now all I want to do is binge and say fuck this.  But ultimately I am going to just push my body harder.

Stay Skinny, Loves. 


PS:  I'm now 297.  I can start to see my collarbone and cheek bones.  There is progress, even if I still look like a fat blob to everyone else.

Things To Remember

Husband finally asked me if I am losing weight.  It only took him 16 pounds to ask me that.  I am still considering it a win. 

I am apart of a "mommy" social media site and I have been posting about Ana and what she's all about.  Of course, moms are the worst judgemental people ever.  Nurturing is only meant for our children, I suppose.  But it got me thinking about the things that are important to reach our goals with Ana.  Call them tips, call them "laws", call them hardcore...whatever.  They will help.


1. Always keep your belly full....

...of water!  Water will not only keep you full and not craving food, but it will help so much in aiding your metabolism. 

2.  When in doubt, work it out.

Hungry?  Do 100 jumping jacks.  Bored?  Do a wall sit for a minute.  Feeling lazy?  Do some crunches.  Whatever you do....do NOT associate "hunger" for "boredom".  Yes, I know...I KNOW...I was one of those girls.  But it's just as easy to work it out when you are ready to eat. 

3.  Take vitamins.

It will help if you start to lose your hair.  It also helps preventing from your body going into starvation mode. 

4.  Weigh yourself...and do it often.

I weigh myself twice daily.  But I have seen some do it as much as once an hour.  One in the morning after you void your bladder and once right before bed.  Keep the mantra "higher than yesterday, fast for today" in your head.  And keep a record of your progress!  

5.  Measure at least 3 times a week.

I don't always do this.  Sometimes I just don't want to.  Other times I feel so silly in doing it.  But it's the only TRUE way to see if you are losing inches.  The scale and be persuaded, the tape measure?  Not so much. 

Here's a great video to show you how.

6.  Get your beauty sleep.

When you sleep, you can't eat...  What is better than that?

7.  Wear tight fitting clothing.

Or buy some that is a size smaller than you.  It'll give you physical proof that you need to lose weight.

8.  And burn those "fat pants"

You'll never need them again 

9.  Listen to your body

Yes, not eating is hard and when that tummy grumbles, it's hard to not give in.  However, I am talking about the other parts of your body.  Make sure not to get too dizzy.  Or, if you get a headache.  Tummies can be ignored---they're not in control...YOU ARE.  But your head?  Listen to it.  Just make sure to eat something healthy so your work isn't completely undone. 

10.  Do this for YOU

Don't let anyone else say "you need to eat" or "you should stop".  You decide if and when you want to stop.  You're the one living in your body.  Live for you! 

Just some things to keep in mind when you are on your quest to be smaller!

Stay Skinny Loves!

Wow. What a difference!

I can honestly say that without a doubt, I will never return to my previous eating habits.  Ever.  I have been working super hard the past few weeks, and I am already noticing changes.  While I am not where I want to be, I know that I am getting there. 

You'd be surprised how quickly you give up certain cravings.  Like with me and sugar.  I LOVE sugar.  Anything sweet....mmmm mmmm.  However, now I'm drinking my tea with a half a teaspoon of sugar.  I took a sip of apple juice today (don't worry, I didn't swallow) and it litterally tasted like...calories.  Just empty meaningless calories.  So why would I want to poison myself with that? The calories I DO consume, need to be more than just empty yummyness.  They gotta mean something.

Sure.  I don't always follow what I'm supposed to eat.  But I am leaps and bounds from where I was. Am I still disgustingly fat?  Oh hell yes.  However, there is just a little bit less than before.  I am getting my stomach used to being empty.  I can tell it already shrank.  For dinner, I ate 4 bites and I was full!  And I won't eat again for another 24 hours.  How cool is that?

While taking kiddo out for a walk earlier, some guy hit on me.  Sure, I just gotta blew him off...but still I smiled to myself on the inside.


Too many times I see people getting down on their weight.  I'm not depressed about my weight.  Sure, I might get frustrated.  But ultimately...I'm getting proactive about my weight.  Before I would never take a super long walk...now I'm doing it 3 times a week!  And doing even more exercise after?  This surely isn't the same person I was as little as a month ago. 

Here I am--making a change.  Because I got this.


Stay Skinny, Loves.

Weigh In Wednesday

With my super low calorie intake yesterday, I'm happy to say that I dropped another pound.  I'm now averaging a pound a day.  Which, is awesome.  I'm just that much closer to my goal of 280 in 31 days.  I have about 19 pounds to go. 

Luckily the husband will be away this morning so I can burn some extra calories.  He doesn't like seeing me exercise.  Especially since I've been eating so little lately.  But what can I say?  I'm addicted to the results! For the first time in 3 years I can feel my colarbones! They're not sticking out, but they're there.  Little things to make me happy.

Stay Skinny, Loves!

Just gotta brag...

Today was a good day!  I consumed 313 calories and burned off 627!  Just got off the scale and my weight now is less than it was this morning.

And even with all of that, I'm still not hungry.  Earlier, I did have a little crisis when I was making lunch for husband and kiddo.  I chewed on some celery while I cooked, and spit it out.  So I got all the flavor, but no calories.  Plus, that chewing had to contribute to some calories burning.


Wow.  I didn't really believe it, but drinking the green tea really helped.  It filled me up, gave me an extra dose of water and some good flavor.  I will admit, I did add a small amount of raw sugar just to give it some sweetness.

And I am so full of energy!  It's amazing what not putting crap into body can do.  There's a choice to follow Ana and there's a choice to be fat.  Both you have to actively work for.  If "hard work" was easy, everyone could do it.


Stay Skinny, loves.

Thinspo Tuesday (6/18/13)

Last night I had a huge craving and I almost caved in.  Because of this, I have decided that I am only going to have a salad for dinner.  I'm punishing myself for having a craving.  My body needs to know that it's not okay to want something, just because. 

Motivation Monday (6/17/13)

To me, there is a difference between "motivation" and "thinspiration".  Motivation is the drive to change while "thispiration" is the drive to succeed.  These are just things to remember for your change.

~The more weight you lose, the better the sex will be!  Orgasms release endorphins (so does exercising!) and helps burn off calories.  I know one husband who will benefit from my weight loss.

~When you hit a goal, treat yourself...but not with food.  You're a human...not a dog.  I already have the pair of high heels I want to get once I hit 280.  They are so cute.  And I'm dying to have them.

~Those "fat" jeans that became your "regular" jeans?  Imagine burning them. 

~Think of how sexier clothes will be on you. Or, even better, how sexy they will be off of you.

~Improving for YOURSELF.  Everything you do, needs to be for YOU.  Don't listen to those who are trying to knock you down.  You gotta live your life, for you.

Personal Exercise Program

I know I am probably the last person who should be writing this blog and giving out tip because I am so fat still.  However, I have the most to lose, and the most to gain with all of this.  Here I'm talking about what exercises I do everyday.  You'll see that there are some patterns, but I try to keep it fresh each day so I don't get bored with it.

Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays: 
2 mile walk with wagon + kiddo.

Monday mornings:
220 Jumping jacks, 100 crunches, 50 push ups

Monday nights:
30 minute dance off with kiddo!  He enjoys dancing around with me.  So it's a win-win ;)
100 jumping jacks, 100 lunges

Tuesday mornings:
2 minute wall sit, 100 jumping jacks, 100 crunches, 50 push ups

Tuesday nights:
60 minute dance off, 200 jumping jacks, 100 crunches, 100 lunges, 50 squats, 25 standing calf lifts

Wednesday mornings: 
100 jumping jacks, 100 crunches, 50 push ups

Wednesday nights: 
30 minute dance off!  March in place- 3 minutes, 200 jumping jacks, 100 lunges

Thursday mornings:
2 minute wall sit, 200 jumping jacks, 100 crunches, 50 push ups

Thursday nights:
60 minute dance off!  100 jumping jacks, 100 lunges, 50 squats, 25 raising calf raises

Friday morning:
300 jumping jacks, 100 crunches, 2 minute wall sit, 100 lunges, 25 squats

Friday night:
It's a free night

Saturday and Sunday:
Free, but I like to keep active!  Gotta keep those calories burning.


Yes, this exercise regimen is intense, however, it's a great burn.  I did it for the first time last week and man was I sore.  He's to a second week of getting it done!

Thinspo quotes

This week has been super tough on me.  Here's to praying tomorrow and the start of a new week, will help me yield more results.  I will be thin!

Most important thing I have learned--do it for yourself, no one else.