Summer Thinspo

The past few weeks I have been slacking something major.  I am back over 300 and I feel like such a failure.  Starting tomorrow I am going to start following Ana to the letter.  My new goal is to be 260 by my birthday in mid September.

Going to rely on a lot of thinspo.

At a loss

I have thrown out Ana the past few days.  Eating whatever I want and just not practicing what I preach.  It has to end though.  I feel so disgustingly fat and disappointed that I have cheated her.   Only time will tell how quickly I get get this weight back off.

Does anyone have any quick tips on how to drop pounds fast?  Because at this moment....I'll be lucky to even to get back to where I was before.

Something I forgot to post earlier...

My husband didn't have to work last night, so he was up most of the day today.  After we had breakfast, we came back home and I weighed myself.  This is the exact conversation we had.

H:  298?  That can't be right!
Me: Yup.  I'm pretty happy with that number.
H:  No, it's obviously not weighing right.  There's no way that you weigh that little.
Me:  So you think I weigh more?
H: Yes, I do.  There's no way. 
Me:  Way to burst my bubble.
H:  I like you with meat on your bones.  Gives me something to hang onto. *grabs my ass*




Yea...way to make me want to lose more weight, asshole.  You've now become inspiration number two on my list.  That's something I've never shared---my inspiration list.  Well, here it is

Inspiration

~For myself.  I am tired of being the "fat one"
~My husband.  Since clearly he thinks I'm a lard ass
~My son.  He needs his mother.
~For the collarbone. 

~To feel my ribs
~To be a "hot mom"
~To wear cute little clothes
~To finally get a belly piercing
~To gain confidence to hit on girls.  (side note, I'm bisexual and looking for a girl to have fun with)
~To have people notice me for how good I look.
~To have people ask me if I'm losing weight
~To see my toes
~To be able to sit at a meal and eat a few bites, then say I'm full.
~To be able to wear a bathing suit again.
~To move around without grunting
~To be able to say I did this all by myself.  (With a little help from Ana)
~To not feeling disgusting.

That conversation just gave me more motivation. 

Stay Skinny Loves,
P

Struggling.

I will admit, during the weekends I pig out more because there is more eyes watching me.  And it's so much harder to start back up when the week comes around.  I know I need to stop pigging out and start working off this fat!  I gained a pound.  Ugh.  When I sit, I see my huge belly and I can't help but to feel defeated, disgusted and gross.  Hell, even this morning I ate so many pancakes.  I can't keep doing this.

I'm about to start my exercise for the day since it's "too hot" for me to go outside walking.  I have asthma and its really bad when it's super  hot and cold.  So here I am confined to the house.  But that doesn't mean I'm going to sit on my keester.  30 minutes of dancing plus more cardio for toning.  Let's hope the iced coffee I had this morning will help give me more of a jolt to get through the day. 


Yes, I had an iced coffee: 95 calories
3/4 cup cold brewed coffee concentrate
1/3 cup 2% milk (That's all I had, I would have used skim)
2 tsp sugar (again, all I had.  My stevia mysteriously disappeared)
2 tsp vanilla extract












It was delicious but the caloric intake is driving me nuts!  Gonna have to do extra lunges and squats to burn it off.


Stay Skinny, Loves
P

I wish this was easier

The past few days I find myself slipping again.  The number on the scale haunts me.  The constant eating follows me.  I can't escape it.  It doesn't matter how hard I try, I always cave.  I need more discipline!  My weight will no longer define who I am.

Weigh in Wednesday

I am such a failure.  I have been binging like no other.  And it's time to stop. 

This morning weigh in 306.2


Ugh I will never eat again.

Binging

After dinner, I needed a snack.  Something.  I caved and had a peanut butter and jelly.  I felt so guilty but it was so good.


Until I threw it up.  


I couldn't stand having it stay in my stomach.  And now, I'm sitting here wishing I had another.  I feel so disgusting...but I can't help it!  Apparently I'm not as strong as I thought I was going into this.


I need better control.   So ladies and gents....how do you do it?  How do you fight the urges.